and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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