my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
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I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
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Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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