Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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