Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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