I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize