Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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