just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
