What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
