I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this beer tastes like vomit already
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dicks are not precious.
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