It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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