he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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