woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
