I smell stomach acid.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
