I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
