The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Shame is for Republicans.
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