I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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