How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
