i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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