Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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