Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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