remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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