I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
