Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
