The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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