pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
