I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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