someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
