How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
