what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
