You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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