i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
