new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found your dick twin last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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