Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
