So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
