I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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