You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
