Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
