I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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