Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
