Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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