So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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