I met the friendliest cop last night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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