found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
