Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
