so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
