I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
