Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
