do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
