too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
