ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
