Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize