Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
