Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
