My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
