Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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