She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
