Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
