I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
