So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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