No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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