just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
