Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
