It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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