wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ketchup is God's man juice
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
