gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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