Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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