my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
