who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
