my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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